Emily Garrison- Waitress/ Before wedding

Emily Garrison:

Men are vile and disgusting creatures. They pump you with enough alcohol to tranquilize an elephant. Then they decide to impregnate you with a crazy and uncontrollable little girl. What do they do when they find they have an offspring? He gives you twenty dollars, wishes you luck, and rides off into the sunset on his Harley.

I can barley remember his name, I think it was Dan, or Darrel. That was the first time I had alcohol. You can’t blame for getting too drunk to walk. Life was hard, I was almost done with high school, we were more than poor, we were flat broke. Then mother and father disowned me.

I gave birth to Jed Garrison on January 29, don’t get me wrong, I do love my daughter. She’s just, so free spirited and is unaware of how hard it is to take care of a child while not married. I had dreams, I was, and still am, going to be, a professional chef.

I’m going to get my own restaurant, I’m going to be a head chef. People will come from all around to see eat in my restaurant. I just have to figure out what to do with Jed during this. She doesn’t have a dad, so I can’t dump her on him.

I began working for a wedding agency. I do the cooking mostly, but ever since they hired the new guy, Jake, I’ve had to be a waitress. I swear on the grave of my grandmother, I will get my place in the kitchen back. Like I said, men are vile and disgusting.

“Jed! What are you doing?” I swear she’s worse than a two year old.

“……nothing….”

“Jed, if you so much as touch my kitchen utensils again there will be no freezy pops for a month!” She has so many freezy pops a day, she practically lives off of them.

“hmmmmm………AHHHHHH!!!!!”

Damn, she probably blew something up again. She always does these “experiments” as she calls them. Last time she lost her eyebrows. They’ve grown back now.

“Jed Cory Garrison, what in the world are you doing?”

“It’s nothing mom! No need to come up!” Oh no, I just know I’m going to be writing apology letters for a week.

“Mom? Um, don’t you have a gig, or, something?”

“no Jed, I leave at-“ I glance at my watch, “ Right now!”

I always do this! I’m so absentminded! I completely forgot the Harold’s wedding! Which I’m serving at! I throw on a white blouse and black slacks.

“Jed where are my shoes? And they aren’t on my feet, I already checked there!”

“Ehhh, Try next to your purse!”

I finally spot them. Throwing on shoes I yell, “Be nice to Mrs.Schuyler! She’s had a rough week, and don’t talk to Mr.Schuyler. I don’t trust him since he stole the gnomes!” All of my garden gnomes disappeared about a week ago. And I just don’t have the time for it lately. Summer is the busiest time for wedding, we have three weddings this weekend. I have to take Jed to the Robertson/Philippi wedding. You don’t know how much that irks me.

Life is too busy for me to keep an eye on that girl. I can’t wait until I get a restaurant. I can just let her seat people and that way everyone can keep an eye or more on her. Oh how can life get more stressful?

“mom! You still have your curlers in!”

Sigh.

300 ..............Again

"Capitan! The light is back!"
"Damn, and we can't afford to lose anymore troops, send out orders to break ranks and run for cover. I'd suggest the green forest."
"But captain, it's Tuesday! The deadly noise alien rules over the forest on Tuesdays!"
"You don't think I know that? Follow orders, or I'll send you into the light. We've lost enough troops , now pull back into the forest."
The guard left in a rush yelling at the top f his lungs, "To the forest! To the forest, you scumbags, the forest!"
The army broke rank and ran for their lives; they had seen what the white light could do. Anyone caught in it's violent whiteness was burned to nothing more than toast. While toast might be a delicious and nutritious breakfast food, no one wants to be breakfast, no one.
Running and screaming the army was being burned, one by on, or two by two, if they were exceptionally unlucky. The captain watched from the safety of the forest. Yes, it's true, it was Tuesday, and any minute now, the large metallic monster would come sweeping over them. That noisy, loathsome, ruthless, evil machine. It didn't care that it killed so many.They would be to be caught up it's windy death trap or crushed by the enormous wheels. He would risk it; being burned to death was slow and torturous, being sucked up in a quick death was much more appealing. He truly was a good captain.
There were loud sounds, he suspected the giants were arguing again.
~~~~~~~~~
"Timmy, would you quit burning ants with that magnifying glass, and mow the lawn?"
Timmy looked up at his mother, sighed, and placed the magnifying glass on the front porch. For later entertainment.

300

"Capitan! The light is back!"
"Damn, and we can't afford to lose anymore troops, send out orders to break ranks and run for cover. I'd suggest the green forest."
"But captain, it's Tuesday! The deadly noise alien rules over the forest on Tuesdays!"
"You don't think I know that? Follow orders or I'll send you into the light. We've lost enough troops , now pull back into the forest."
The guard left in a rush yelling at the top f his lungs, "To the forest! To the forest, you scumbags, the forest!"
The army broke rank and ran for their lives, they had seen what the white light could do. Anyone caught in it's violent whiteness was burned to nothing more than toast. While toast might be a delicious and nutritious breakfast food, no one wants to be breakfast, no one.
Running and screaming the army was being burned, one by on, or two by two, if they were exceptionally unlucky. The captain watched from the safety of the forest. Yes, it's true, it was Tuesday, and any minute now, the large metallic monster would come sweeping over them. That noisy, loathsome, ruthless, evil machine. It didn't care that it killed so many.They would be to be caught up it's windy death trap or crushed by the enormous wheels. He would risk it, being burned to death was slow and torturous, being sucked up in a quick death was much more appealing. He truly was a good captain.
There were loud sounds, he suspected the giants were arguing again.
~~~~~~~~~
"Timmy, would you quit burning ants with that magnifying glass, and mow the lawn?"
Timmy looked up at his mother, sighed, and placed the magnifying glass on the front porch. For later entertainment.

55 Even Awesomer Words

Hark! Is that the phone the phone I hear ringing?
It beckons to me, perhaps this is what I have been waiting hours for!
I told him to call me,
he said he would.
God, he's like a god he's so hot!
Bubbling with hope I answer.
"Hello?"
"Is your refrigerator running?"
damn.

55 Awesome Words

Hark! Is that a phone I hear ringing??
It calls to me, perhaps it is the call I have been waiting hours for!
I rush over to the phone
I told him to call me,
He said he would.
God, he's so incredibly hot!
Bubbling with hope I answer.
"Hello?"
"Is your refrigerator running?"
damn.

What I 've Already Said

What I needed to say,
Is what I've already said.
I've already said what I wanted
I always say what I need to.

When you told me you were sad
said I was sorry for you

When you told me you were going to die
I said I would miss you; I already do.

When you told me you were sorry
I said it didn't bother me, it really didn't

When you told me you were dying of laughter
I didn't say anything because I was laughing along with you

When you told me to write about a time I needed to say something
I said sure

What I needed to say,
Is what I've already said.

We Aren't Perfect-Remix

"What do you think Life is, little girl?"
"Life is what God gave me
when I was born, everybody has one!"

when you're small
you don't know the meaning of Reality
it's a sad day
when we Wake Up

She had those Pills
those damn
white
pills

Instructions:
Take one before bed every night
Take One
ha

The Bottle
dumped in her hand
all swallowed
downed with water

Confusion wrapped
around my little world
Tears wrapped around Sirens
Questions
Reality

when we realize
Life isn't Perfect
and neither are We

"What do you think Life is, little girl?"
"Life is what God gave us
when we were born.
Only God has the right
to take It away.''

We Arn't Perfect

Nothing, can bring back
the Innocence of a Child.
When you're small
Reality doesn't affect you
but there comes a time
when we all must Wake Up.

She had those Pills
those damn
white
pills
She took them every night
it was Ritual
Rituals changed

I watched her
I stood un-knowing
un-affected

The Bottle
dumped in Her hand
all swallowed
finished off with water

Confusion wrapped itself
around My little world
Tears wrapped around Sirens
Questions

When we realize
Life isn't Perfect
and neither are We.


note: this is about a failed suicide. She is still alive and I couldn't be happier about that fact.

Late Night Wonderments

Who are we to other people in the world? When other people see us for the first time, do they think about who we really are, what we really think, what our real name is (for you vegas types) or what the suset looks like from out bedroom window?Ii bet they haven't, I bet you've never thought about it. I bet that thought has never crossed your mind.
Every morning I stand at the end of my long dirt driveway shivering in the chilled Minnesota mornings waiting for my ride to come. and every morning the man down the street stands below a bus sign. he never sits on the bench, but stands in front of it. its like that every morning, I and him, him and I. we stand. I wonder what his life is like, what he looks forward to in his coming day or if he only thinks of escaping the cold in to the warmth of public transportation. Every morning the 766 city bus pulls up in front of him as my ride comes to a stop at the sign right next to it. And then the man is gone, off to his day at where ever the bus takes him. then I wonder does he wonder at who I am? while realizing that would be strangely pedophile like, I wonder do others wonder where I am going? What im thinking about? I've been told that I'm not the easiest person to read, so what if I don't like to pour out my life to the world. Hell , I don't have anything to pour out. The sunset is hidden from my window. Thats why I go outside to watch it. I'm thinking about how much I love Germans and their music. I'm not going anywhere. Thanks for asking. It's so nice when someone cares. But a little unneeded.

What I care about is you.

So what does the sunset look like from your window? What are you thinking about? Where are you going? I hope that all of you find someone who you can tell that to.I hope you find you special someone, really I don't want any of that for my self it just makes me happy to see my friends happy. I don't need someone to talk to, I need someone to make smile, someone to wonder about, whether its a man down the street, the dog across the river, or the one sitting right in front of me asking if they can read what I'm writing.

My Wonderous Play!

[A little girl enters her room shutting the door behind her, she runs over and picks up her bunny]

BETHANY

Are we ready Sir Benjamin?

BENJAMIN

We have been ready since noon ma'am.

BETHANY

Then lets go! We have to get to the palace by night or the evil witch will find us!

BENJAMIN

Yes my queen. But fear not we have an entire army to protect us

[Bethany and Benjamin start to walk around the room. Benjamin finds bethanys horse , and helps her mount it.]

BETHANY

To the castle Sir benjamin!

BENJAMIN

Yes, my queen[bows]

[They ride around the room. When all of a sudden a Raggety Ann doll pops up]

BETHANY

Oh no! It's the Evil witch!

BENJAMIN

Dont worry my queen! The army will not let her touch you! Troops, ready for battle!

[The bunny turns to face the army of Beanie babies. Readying themselves for battle]

RAGGETY ANN

Mwhahaha! You think you can defeat me?

BENJAMIN

No, not think, I know I will defeat you!

RAGGETY ANN

What with this sorry bunch you call an army? Oh this is like childs play. Hahahaha!!

BENJAMIN

Laugh all you want Evil witch, you won't touch my queen! We wont let you

RAGGETY ANN

[laughs and dissapears into smoke]

BETHANY

Where did she go Sir Benjamin?

BENJAMIN

I dont know, but I'm sure shes bound to have the faeries helping her by now. We have to be really careful.

BETHANY

Oh! we should hurry!

[she and benjamin begin to move quickly. when all of a sudden a Tinkerbell doll flies in out of no where attacking them.]

BETHANY

[fighting off the faeries] Ah! evil faeries! what do we do now Benjamin?

BENJAMIN

We run, its almost night and we must get you to the castle!

[RAGGETY ANN suddenly appears in front of them]

RAGGETY ANN

Mwhahaha, now I've got you! If you turn around My minions will attack. haha I told you I'd get you!

[Bethany screams and is dragged off by muppet dolls and is set in her desk chair.]

BETHANY

No not the evil chair!

RAGGETY ANN

yes Bethany. now there is no escape! Mwhaha!

[Bethany squirms and fights as though held by invisible chians]

Now you will tell me where the Sacred Jewels are!

BETHANY

Never! Not the Sacred Family Jewels!

RAGGETY ANN

Yes Bethany, and you will tell me or your great bunny here will be thrown in the never ending black hole.

[she gestures at benjamin who is being held by the faeries over the closet. threatening to throw him in.]

BENJAMIN

No!my queen it doesnt matter what happens to me just dot tell her anything!

BETHANY

Why! you evil witch!

[Raggety ann just laughs maniaclly. bethany spits at her.]

RAGGETY ANN

[wiping the spit off with a look of disgust] Raggety Andy! She spat at me! Do something!

[Raggety andy steps out of the shadows. Bethany gasps in fear]

BETHANY

No! not Raggety Andy!

[Raggety Andy walks over to bethany and starts to pull out her braids.]

BETHANY

No!no!no!

RAGGETY ANN

Raggety Andy! thats enough. now oh so powerful queen, where are the sacred jewels?

BETHANY

[in a sing-song voice] I'll never tell

RAGGETY ANN

Tinker...

[Tinker bell starts to throw Banjamin in the closet]

BETHANY

Wait, no! dont!

RAGGETY ANN

Will you tell me where they are?

BETHANY

They're..in the crystal treasure chest in the temple at the top of the mountains.

RAGGETY ANN

At last.. we shall retreive them at once! but we must not let the giants catch them. they dont like us taking from their treasure.

BETANY

I hope they find you and-

JAN

Bethy! Bethey dear its time for dinner!

BETHANY

[jumps from chair] ok mom! [turns to benjamin] Come Sir Benjamin, we are free for now.

[bethany joins her parents at the table]

BRAD

Beth dear what happend to your pretty braids?

BETHANY

Oh they were removed. it was neccassary loss to protect the jewels.

JAN

Oh Bethany you havnt been stealing my jewlery from the upstairs bathroom again have you?

BETHANY

No, that was the evil witches doing

BRAD

Well can you tell the evil witch to put all of the very expensive jewlery back?

BETHANY

I'll try but I dont think she'll listen

JAN

Well I'll make her listen

[bethany finished her dinner quickly]

BETHANY

ok I'll go tell her!

[bethany grabs benjamin and runs to her room]

BRAD

She spends so much time in that room. I barely see her and shes always clinging to that bunny. why cant she have real friends?

[bethany is back in her chair]

RAGGETY ANN

So the giants wont let me have the stones eh?

BETHANY

Nope and they'll make you share

RAGGETY ANN

I hate sharing

BETHANY

Well thats-

JAN

I want my earings back!!

[bethany grabs the jewlery and runs from the room]

BETHANY

Comeing!!

JAN

Bethany, you got to stop stealing my jewlery

[BETHANY hands over her mother's earrings with a guilty look on her face]

BETHANY

But, what else can I use for treasure?

JAN

I'm sure you can think of something.

[BETHANY's face lights up]

BETHANY

I've got it!

[she runs off, with Jan shaking her head after her daughter]

[BETHANY returns to her room, and places half of her treasure on the RAGGETY ANN]

RAGGETY ANN

So, you have found treasure, in exchange for your precious Bejanim?

BETHANY

Yes, but before I give you the rest of the treasure I want you to give me Benji first.

RAGGETY ANN

Very well, Raggety Andy! Tell tinker bell to release the bunny from the dresser of doom.

[RAGGETY ANDY leaves to the dresser of doom, and returns with a sock beaten rabbit.]

BETHANY

Benji!!!!

[she runs and gives her rabbit a hug.]

RAGGETY ANN

[holding out her hand] now, if you please, the treasure

BETHANY

[looks down at the treasure, and is about to hand it over when suddenly-]

BRAD

Bethany! where did all the tin foil go?

~~~~~~

So that is my wondrous play, I thoroughly hope you enjoyed it. I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors, this is my post editing version. I'll try to go though and find all the errors but I'm really bad at that sort of thing. It took me like five minute to type this right. God I hate these keyboards.

Mwhahaha

I've created a blog! Step two in my quest for an A n Kronzers class has begun. Clair cant spell my name so now my name is officially spellt Roblip10_pqyh6n. And if yo spell it wrong i will send my minions after you. Sherry Bob and Terry are evil minions and will harm you in the worst way ever. Thats right they will tackle you to the ground and steal your left shoe. So remember its spellt Robipq9-gneryn.

and remember children, dont make fun of the weird people!